Unsettling Family Events

Two disturbing events have happened that affect our family in the past week:

• Neela’s dad had multiple massive strokes
• Melanie succeeded in pushing my family out of my brother’s life

Neela’s Dad

On Thursday morning we found out that Neela’s dad had suffered a stroke around 1AM and was in the hospital. During the day we thought he was getting better, but around 4PM we found out he was actually continuing to stroke and was getting much worse.

They moved him to the ICU around 5PM. We found out that he was still swelling and there really isn’t anywhere to swell in that part of the brain.

Around 5AM on Friday they decided to relieve the pressure with surgery. The pressure has been relieved, but the swelling hasn’t stopped. He’s still intermittently responsive to family and doctors.

Additionally, there may have been additional damage incurred from the swelling. Until he fully wakes up we won’t know what else is impacted.

Melanie

And in the middle of all this, Melanie, my brother’s wife, decides to lash out.

Wait, I should back up.

Melanie has been on a war path against my brother’s immediate family for the past year. We’re not sure if she’s incredibly insecure or what, but she doesn’t want us in the picture.

She started with cutting my parents out of their lives. That wasn’t hard to do, as my brother could be easily manipulated to see everything they do as “wrong”. You know, all the normal stuff parents do, like want to see their grandchild, want to hang out with their kids and family, and saying inappropriate (but not intentionally bad) stuff. While it’s generally annoying, it’s family. That’s what parents do. Granted, I only have experience with my parents and Neela’s parents, but I have friends and family with equally weird parents.

Having turned my brother against my parents last year, she focused on me & Neela. Again, this wasn’t too hard to do. My brother and I hadn’t been close for the first 25 years of my life. We started to hang out the past 10 years, but even that was volatile.

Melanie started by making us feel like we were family, asking us to come to her brothers’ weddings in Vancouver and Hawaii. We went, thinking it was important for her to feel like she had a family. Neela felt so strongly that Melanie wanted us there that she took time out of her classroom to be there. Do you know how hard it is for a teacher to take a week off during school? The whole time we were in those cities, they had better things to do than hang out with us. We might see them once a day for dinner, but they refused to make plans with us during the day.

Over the next few months whenever we would see them Melanie would spend her time disparaging my parents, knowing how much that bothered me. I eventually stopped listening, as I realized how spiteful and full of hate she really is.

When we had all our family coming over for Christmas, they declined the invite. I asked why and all they said was that they wanted to be home alone for Christmas. Keep in mind that we live half a mile away. Since we had more than a dozen other people coming over, we didn’t have time to dwell on it. But on Christmas day, we found out that other people (our cousins and aunt & uncle) were over at their house. We were pretty hurt by this action.

When we expressed our pain she said those people invited themselves over. I wasn’t happy, but I wasn’t going to keep dwelling on it.

But Melanie found her opportunity. She called Neela and incited an argument. And good for Neela for standing up for herself. Melanie said it was no one’s business if they wanted to be left alone on Christmas. Neela pointed out that if Melanie’s own family had been in town there would have been no question; they would’ve come over on Christmas. And if it was so important for us to go around the world for her family’s weddings, they could come half a mile up the road to be with the rest of the family on Christmas.

It was a circular pointless argument. The rift had been created, and the mission had been accomplished. We haven’t talked to them or seen them since the argument. I tried once, and the attempt was ignored.

So, how did Melanie lash out? She decides to take the opportunity when Neela’s dad is in the hospital to post a rude comment about me on her Facebook page. Neela was so upset that not only did Melanie pick this time to lash out, but that she was so insensitive to her family’s troubles at this time. She was up till 4:30AM the next day because of the rude comment.

And I can guarantee you, we are now completely done with Melanie. Unfortunately my brother has become so entangled in Melanie’s fake charms and lies that he can’t see what’s really going on.

And as odd as it sounds, it feels good. I’ve been telling Neela that Melanie’s fakeness and manipulativeness make me uncomfortable for a long time. So closing this chapter feels right.

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