Two disturbing events have happened that affect our family in the past week:

• Neela’s dad had multiple massive strokes
• Melanie succeeded in pushing my family out of my brother’s life

Neela’s Dad

On Thursday morning we found out that Neela’s dad had suffered a stroke around 1AM and was in the hospital. During the day we thought he was getting better, but around 4PM we found out he was actually continuing to stroke and was getting much worse.

They moved him to the ICU around 5PM. We found out that he was still swelling and there really isn’t anywhere to swell in that part of the brain.

Around 5AM on Friday they decided to relieve the pressure with surgery. The pressure has been relieved, but the swelling hasn’t stopped. He’s still intermittently responsive to family and doctors.

Additionally, there may have been additional damage incurred from the swelling. Until he fully wakes up we won’t know what else is impacted.

Melanie

And in the middle of all this, Melanie, my brother’s wife, decides to lash out.

Wait, I should back up.

Melanie has been on a war path against my brother’s immediate family for the past year. We’re not sure if she’s incredibly insecure or what, but she doesn’t want us in the picture.

She started with cutting my parents out of their lives. That wasn’t hard to do, as my brother could be easily manipulated to see everything they do as “wrong”. You know, all the normal stuff parents do, like want to see their grandchild, want to hang out with their kids and family, and saying inappropriate (but not intentionally bad) stuff. While it’s generally annoying, it’s family. That’s what parents do. Granted, I only have experience with my parents and Neela’s parents, but I have friends and family with equally weird parents.

Having turned my brother against my parents last year, she focused on me & Neela. Again, this wasn’t too hard to do. My brother and I hadn’t been close for the first 25 years of my life. We started to hang out the past 10 years, but even that was volatile.

Melanie started by making us feel like we were family, asking us to come to her brothers’ weddings in Vancouver and Hawaii. We went, thinking it was important for her to feel like she had a family. Neela felt so strongly that Melanie wanted us there that she took time out of her classroom to be there. Do you know how hard it is for a teacher to take a week off during school? The whole time we were in those cities, they had better things to do than hang out with us. We might see them once a day for dinner, but they refused to make plans with us during the day.

Over the next few months whenever we would see them Melanie would spend her time disparaging my parents, knowing how much that bothered me. I eventually stopped listening, as I realized how spiteful and full of hate she really is.

When we had all our family coming over for Christmas, they declined the invite. I asked why and all they said was that they wanted to be home alone for Christmas. Keep in mind that we live half a mile away. Since we had more than a dozen other people coming over, we didn’t have time to dwell on it. But on Christmas day, we found out that other people (our cousins and aunt & uncle) were over at their house. We were pretty hurt by this action.

When we expressed our pain she said those people invited themselves over. I wasn’t happy, but I wasn’t going to keep dwelling on it.

But Melanie found her opportunity. She called Neela and incited an argument. And good for Neela for standing up for herself. Melanie said it was no one’s business if they wanted to be left alone on Christmas. Neela pointed out that if Melanie’s own family had been in town there would have been no question; they would’ve come over on Christmas. And if it was so important for us to go around the world for her family’s weddings, they could come half a mile up the road to be with the rest of the family on Christmas.

It was a circular pointless argument. The rift had been created, and the mission had been accomplished. We haven’t talked to them or seen them since the argument. I tried once, and the attempt was ignored.

So, how did Melanie lash out? She decides to take the opportunity when Neela’s dad is in the hospital to post a rude comment about me on her Facebook page. Neela was so upset that not only did Melanie pick this time to lash out, but that she was so insensitive to her family’s troubles at this time. She was up till 4:30AM the next day because of the rude comment.

And I can guarantee you, we are now completely done with Melanie. Unfortunately my brother has become so entangled in Melanie’s fake charms and lies that he can’t see what’s really going on.

And as odd as it sounds, it feels good. I’ve been telling Neela that Melanie’s fakeness and manipulativeness make me uncomfortable for a long time. So closing this chapter feels right.

Technorati Tags: Family

One of my first cats, Cali, recently passed away. She was sick (inflammatory bowel, pancreatitis, and cardiomyopathy) beyond saving and we had to let her go Friday, June 13, 2008. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

Thinking about her life got me thinking about my own life. 10 years was Cali’s lifetime. What part of my own lifetime had 10 years been?

Well, let’s see.

1998

I was newly “rich” from my first “real” job, which I started in February.

In April, I moved into my first apartment by myself without roommates.

In July, I adopted Jade and Cali. They were adorable. My parents loved to come over and see the kittens.

I had an on-again, off-again (finally off) relationship with a pretty unstable girl.

Nicci and Troy moved in close by to my apartment in University City, so we hung out quite a bit.

2000

Though Neela and I had met before, at one of my brother’s parties and a few common friends’ parties/weddings, we finally started dating in February.

In April I was offered a job at Proxicom, in Los Angeles.

In May, we (Jade, Cali, and I) moved to Marina Del Rey, where Proxicom was located. Neela came up after her spring semester was completed.

Worked like a dog on Proxicom’s Toyota/Lexus.com project. Took over the Project Manager position for Lexus.com halfway through the implementation. Crazy hours.

In September, Neela and I we were engaged. Married in December. Small Vegas ceremony with just a few friends and family.

2001

My manager at the time, Sean, and a few other Proxicomers went to a small startup online gambling site, in Long Beach. We moved to San Pedro in February.

We met Dr. Steed, hands-down the best vet we’ve ever had, when we moved to San Pedro.

Soon after we moved in, Max found us and decided to stay. We discovered he was very sick (hyperthyroidism and fibromyalgia).

We did the whole Indian ceremony and reception. Then we went to Hawaii for our honeymoon.

After some political drama at Action Online, I ended up being a casualty in December. Luckily, I had just interviewed with Intuit, and had a job offer to start a week after my job ended at Action Online.

We put an offer on a house in San Diego and it was accepted.

2002

Started the year living at my brother, Poorvesh’s, house while I worked in San Diego and lived in San Pedro. Neela was also finishing up her semester (both teaching and working) in San Pedro. I came down on Sunday nights and went back up Friday nights. Neela took care of the three cats.

We closed escrow on our house in January. Before moving in we ripped out all the ugly (dirty blue carpet) throughout the house and put wood and new carpet in throughout. We moved in to the house (and Neela moved down) in February.

In March, we found out Max had lymphoma. He passed away March 23, 2002. That was a tough time for us, and the whole family, as it was the first time we lost a pet.

In May we adopted Sammy and Leo. Jade and Cali were not impressed with their adorableness.

2003

My 10 year high school reunion. I did not go.

2004

The six of us had apparently outgrown our first house, so we moved about a mile away to our current house (not our stuff in the pictures, these were the sale pictures).

I was (and still would be) extra paranoid that realtors would let my cats out, so we decided to move to Poorvesh’s house for a few weeks/months until the house sold.

Right before the move, though, Cali was hospitalized for three days. She had cholangial hepatitis. We actually noticed her being disoriented and acting weird right when we came back from a Vegas trip.

After being in the hospital, Cali had to come “home” to Poorvesh’s house. In addition to her being sick and generally not happy, there being three other (unknown) cats in the house was causing all kinds of unhappiness.

As soon as we had a buyer for our house, we moved back in to our old home to pack it up and get going.

Everyone loved the new house – much bigger! And a pool table (which arrived before any of the other furniture or belongings)!

2005

After almost 4 years in the same group, I moved into the Consumer Tax Group in October (still within Intuit), and got a promotion in the process. Cool!

2006

Neela found Toby the Friday of Labor Day weekend. Toby came home. He didn’t leave. Craziness ensued. Followed by training. Craziness didn’t stop. Ever.

2007

Four managers into my new position, I got another promotion in December. Sweet!

2008

Starting back in March, I am once again working for the same person who hired me into Intuit 6.5 years ago. Easy learning curve.

We notice that Cali is eating less and less, but she seems to be annoyed by the other cats, so we give her food in separate rooms. We get her checked out and back on inflammatory bowel medication.

After a while she stops eating her food, but no vet, even internal medicine specialists, can find anything wrong with her. I figure “she’s old and picky”, so I give her canned food 2-3 times per day. Her appetite returns for a week.

Again she stops eating, so we take her into Veterinary Specialty Hospital at 10PM on June 11th. She’s checked-in and diagnosis begins. I have a bad feeling that she’s not coming home.

After much turmoil, we decide the right thing to do is to let Cali go on Friday morning, June 13th.

I am very sad and thinking about Cali. I begin writing this post. I finish writing this post.

Technorati Tags: Retrospective